David was not a fan of unwanted guests. He enjoyed his privacy and loved spending quiet time with his cats, Fred and Barbra Streisand. One afternoon, he was busy reading a children’s book series known as The Kitten Kases to his cats while they slept on the floor by his feet and suddenly, he heard an unwelcome knock at the door. At first, he ignored it, but after the knocks continued, David Emami yelled, “Fine, I guess we won’t find out how Paws Jr. escapes the burning building!” as he threw the book across the room, nearly hitting Fred in the process. Fred and Barbra Streisand went running for dear life and David yelled sympathetically, “Oh, sweet children, I’m sorry. That wasn’t my intent!”
David walked up to the door and saw a little girl and her mother standing before him.
“Good afternoon! Would you like to buy some Girl Scout cookies?” asked the energetic brunette girl.
David stood there in his obscenely short neon pink running shorts, long striped tube socks, and an oversized knit turtleneck sweater and replied, “You realize you interrupted a pivotal moment in The Kitten Kases, and now Fred and Barbra Streisand probably won’t speak to me for the rest of the evening.”
The little girl looked up at her mother, confused. The mom said, “Sorry, sir. We’ll just be on our way.”
She nudged her daughter forward, but David replied, “But perhaps some cookies will help relieve the tension in this home. What kind do you have?”
“Well, we have all the classics, including our newest creation, Butterscotch Drizzles!”
“You had me at Butterscotch!” said David enthusiastically. “I’ll take every last box of those that you have.” Needless to say, David loved butterscotch.
“Wow, what an order,” said the mother.
They added up the total and as the little girl handed over box after box from the back of her mom’s minivan, she said, “Looks like the total is $474.”
David dropped several boxes at this remark, then replied with a smile, “What a bargain!” David could be quite frivolous and careless with his money when he saw something he wanted.
The little girl left, leaving David with just under 100 boxes of cookies. He stacked them high in his kitchen, made himself a Hungry Man rib shaped patty frozen meal, and had 3 boxes of cookies for dessert. He couldn’t have been happier.
David Emami is Alone in Portland is a collection of stories that peer into the life of a middle-aged curmudgeon with a fondness for cats and antiques.
Playfully illustrated with Bitmoji characters, his story comes to life as each day brings a new adventure.
He was obsessive compulsive and mad about antiques. The apartment was covered, top to bottom, in decor that would be more aligned with that of an old woman that peaked in the 1960s. david-emami-takes-on-portland.html
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