David Emami woke up to his cats in a frenzy. They were running all over the apartment, knocking down precious knick knacks in the process.
“What in the world has gotten into you? Do I need to phone an exorcist?” Fred and Barbra Streisand zipped underneath furniture without paying any attention to David. Suddenly, David noticed what all the commotion was about: they were chasing a healthy looking brown mouse.
“A rodent! A filthy mouse! In my apartment!” David jumped up on the couch because he was terrified and angered at the same time. “Who invited you? Certainly not me!”
David stayed up on the couch as his cats continued the chase; he wasn’t sure exactly what he should do. He then remembered a mouse trap he had in his closet. He quickly jumped off the couch, ran toward the hallway, and flung open the door with his heart racing.
He pulled things out, desperately trying to find the mouse trap before the mouse nibbled on his bare toes. He found it at last and then ran into his kitchen to place the bait. He jumped onto the counter, then opened the fridge. He strained a bit to grab the cheese block, but he managed to reach it.
David, still on the counter, sliced the cheese, placed it on the trap, and watched in horror as an antique music box fell to the floor due to the chase. “Not my Chubby Checkers music box!” David ran to the music box, picked it up, then cranked it up as it played “The Twist.”
Suddenly, the commotion stopped, and to David’s horror, he watched as Barbra Streisand chewed on the mouse and quickly gobbled it up, staining her mouth with blood and guts.
“Barbra Streisand! What have you done?” She sucked up the tail, and the mouse was completely gone. She looked up at David with her single oozing eye and let out a muddled meow. “I don’t know if I can live with someone that practices such barbarity.”
David Emami is Alone in Portland is a collection of stories that peer into the life of a middle-aged curmudgeon with a fondness for cats and antiques.
Playfully illustrated with Bitmoji characters, his story comes to life as each day brings a new adventure.
He was obsessive compulsive and mad about antiques. The apartment was covered, top to bottom, in decor that would be more aligned with that of an old woman that peaked in the 1960s. david-emami-takes-on-portland.html
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