David Emami had trouble walking because of a problem with his toe. It had gotten worse over the weeks, and at last, he determined that he had an ingrown toenail and that the only way to fix it was to see a doctor. He made an appointment and decided to work a night shift to make up for the missed day at work since money was getting tight. He had recently purchased a lamp from the 1940s that cost him $800, so he could use all the money he could get his hands on.
He put on his socks and tried not to bump or damage his red, oozing, swollen toe. David wanted to vomit when he looked at, but held back his impulses. He got into his minivan with some difficulty and pulled up to the doctor’s office.
When he arrived, he checked in and waited for about 10 minutes before the doctor could see him. When the doctor walked in, David explained his predicament in intimate detail.
“Well, take off those boots and we’ll see what we can do,” said the doctor. David did as he was told, and the doctor took a look. “Hmm, definitely an ingrown toenail. We’ll have to cut it out a bit.”
“Cut it out?” David pulled his foot back in terror. “Can’t you just give me a pill that will make it go away?”
The doctor laughed. “There’s no pill that makes ingrown toenails go away.” He poked around some drawers and pulled out a needle and a scalpel. “This will numb the area, and then I’ll be able to cut into it without you feeling a thing.
David sat nervously with his foot extended toward the doctor. “Please be careful, Doctor. I’m very delicate.”
“You’ll be just fine. This is a routine procedure.”
“Has anyone ever died from it?”
“Only 12 of them under my watch,” he replied dryly.
David pulled his foot back. “12?! How?!”
The doctor laughed again. “It was a joke. You’re a grown man; you’ll be just fine.”
David hopped off the bed and put his boots back on. “I don’t believe you’re qualified to treat such a serious ailment,” he said. “I’ll take care of it myself.”
“You can’t be serious,” replied the doctor.
“Good day, sir,” said David, as he left the room without another word.
David went home and covered his toe in Icy Hot cream, turned on The Lawrence Welk Show, and told himself that everything would be okay.
David Emami is Alone in Portland is a collection of stories that peer into the life of a middle-aged curmudgeon with a fondness for cats and antiques.
Playfully illustrated with Bitmoji characters, his story comes to life as each day brings a new adventure.
He was obsessive compulsive and mad about antiques. The apartment was covered, top to bottom, in decor that would be more aligned with that of an old woman that peaked in the 1960s. david-emami-takes-on-portland.html
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