David Emami tossed and turned one night as he heard what he thought were scratches on his outside door. He brushed it off at first, certain he was losing his mind. He decided to check it out, however, when his cats, Fred and Barbra Streisand, began hissing and growling uncomfortably. David looked through his peephole, and could definitely hear whimpering and scratching, but couldn’t see anything.
With a deep breath, he opened his front door, and like lightning, a mangy, skinny, filthy dog darted into his apartment, immediately breaking an antique vase in the process. The dog barked and ran under David’s bed and wouldn’t come out for the life of him. “What in the world?” screamed David as he stood at the open door in his tiny white briefs and tube socks nearly up to his knees.
David ran into his room and his cats hid behind the couch with their hair standing up on their necks. Their eyes were so big they could have burst. David called for the dog, but nothing he could do would bring it out.
“Come on, you filthy, mangy mutt! I didn’t invite you in! Fred and Barbra Streisand sleep under the bed, not you!”
The dog whimpered and slid back farther under the bed.
“Oh, you miserable little sassy! You are greatly disturbing my pussies!”
David then had an idea and ran to the kitchen to get some bologna from the fridge. He ran back to the bed and dangled it in front of him. “Here you go, you ugly beast!”
The dog slowly crawled out, leaving a muddy, furry trail behind it, until it was close enough to eat the bologna. David slowly stood up and tossed a few pieces behind him as he inched toward the door. When the dog was near the door, David opened it up and threw a few slices outside, which the dog quickly followed. He slammed the door and let out a sigh of relief. The dog was gone and at last, things were back to normal, just the way David liked them.
“It’s okay, Fred and Barbra Streisand,” said David, “that mean bully is gone.”
David Emami is Alone in Portland is a collection of stories that peer into the life of a middle-aged curmudgeon with a fondness for cats and antiques.
Playfully illustrated with Bitmoji characters, his story comes to life as each day brings a new adventure.
He was obsessive compulsive and mad about antiques. The apartment was covered, top to bottom, in decor that would be more aligned with that of an old woman that peaked in the 1960s. david-emami-takes-on-portland.html
© 2017 DavidEmami.com