When you work around children, you’re bound to get sick. Since David Emami was a substitute janitor, he could count on it at least once per year. This year, it happened around January, and it was bad.
David woke up with a fever, his throat was on fire, and he was severely congested. “Good heavens, this is just terrible!” David hacked and coughed, but nothing came up. “No work for me today.”
David shuffled to his living room and plopped onto the couch, then wrapped himself up in a blanket and turned on the television. Since it was 4 am, there was nothing on but infomercials and reruns from obscure shows that were canceled decades ago.
David watched an infomercial on a product that allowed him to pick up hot potatoes with a protective glove. “Like anyone would ever buy that,” remarked David. However, after 15 minutes of watching people get burned by potatoes grabbed straight from the oven, he was on the phone ordering his own Tater Glove. He was thrilled when they offered him free 2 day shipping. As far as David was concerned, potatoes were back on the menu.
After the infomercial ended, David watched a rerun of ALF, the 1980s show about a family that lives with a furry alien that eats cats. “Oh look, Barbra Streisand and Fred,” he then had a coughing attack, “he eats cats!” David laughed, but nearly died after feeling like he was going to cough out his lungs. His cats didn’t approve of his coughing, and ran into his bedroom and hid under his bed.
David spent the rest of his day mostly on the couch. He made some chicken noodle soup, but failed to dilute the mixture, so it tasted salty and awful. He decided to give it to his cats instead.
David Emami is Alone in Portland is a collection of stories that peer into the life of a middle-aged curmudgeon with a fondness for cats and antiques.
Playfully illustrated with Bitmoji characters, his story comes to life as each day brings a new adventure.
He was obsessive compulsive and mad about antiques. The apartment was covered, top to bottom, in decor that would be more aligned with that of an old woman that peaked in the 1960s. david-emami-takes-on-portland.html
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