David wanted to go for a stroll in Downtown Portland, so he got ready and headed into town on the MAX lightrail train. When he got off the train, he was confused by the amount of people crowded together on the busy streets. Thousands of people had gathered, so David Emami approached a man standing by the street and asked, “What’s going on?”
The man laughed. “It’s the annual Portland Nude Bicycle Race today! We’re here to watch the action!”
David’s heart stopped as a shot was fired, signalling the start of the race. Thousands of nude bicyclists zoomed by him, showing off all shades of skin, all types of bodies, and all sorts of privates. David’s jaw nearly hit the sidewalk. “What kind of awful thing is this? How indecent! How improper!” An old man zoomed past David, proudly exposing everything in the process. He rang his bell and waved at David while smiling. “You awful nudist!” he screamed as the man zipped by.
David tried his best to cross the street, but a police officer stopped him and screamed, “You can’t cross here! We’re right in the middle of a race!”
David couldn’t escape the flashes of indecency around him. He felt as if all morals in the world had been thrown out the window. Everywhere he turned, he blushed from what he was seeing. He couldn’t get away from the mostly awful and rarely pleasant sights.
David took another route, but again found that it was blocked. He ran inside a bakery shop and slammed the door behind him. He was out of breath as he screamed, “Please, let me stay in here until this madness ends!”
The baker looked at him with his hand on the phone, ready to call the police. “You scared me to death, dude!”
“I scared you? Try going outside! You’ll find an X rated display of immorality! I must stay in here or I’ll lose my soul!”
“Whatever, man. It’s just a nude bike race.” David peeked out every now and then, watching in horror as the nudity streaked by. At last, the madness ended. David ran to the MAX train, got on, then left as soon as it pulled into his terminal. When he arrived home, he locked the door behind him in a panic.
He looked at Fred and Barbra Streisand and yelled, “It’s a terrible world out there! You’re lucky you never have to leave this palace of safety!”
David Emami is Alone in Portland is a collection of stories that peer into the life of a middle-aged curmudgeon with a fondness for cats and antiques.
Playfully illustrated with Bitmoji characters, his story comes to life as each day brings a new adventure.
He was obsessive compulsive and mad about antiques. The apartment was covered, top to bottom, in decor that would be more aligned with that of an old woman that peaked in the 1960s. david-emami-takes-on-portland.html
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