David Emami was late for a Doctor's appointment and went as fast as he could to get there. As is typically the case, he got caught behind a slow driver and was unable to get around them. They sluggishly drove while David tailed them closely. David then noticed the reason they were going slow: the teenage driver was texting and driving. David’s blood boiled. He was outraged that someone could think their text was worth more than their own life.
David honked his horn and yelled, “Get off your phone, you big buffoon!” They didn’t even notice the noise and continued to text away. David saw his Doctor’s office coming up ahead, and oddly enough, the driver in front of him turned into the same parking lot. David was going to teach that teen a lesson.
David parked close to the driver with his fists clenched and his heart racing. He was on an adrenaline high and was ready to chew the kid out.
The teenager slipped out of the car, seemingly glued to their phone, and started walking toward the front door of the office. “Don’t you know that’s illegal?” asked David.
The teen kept texting and walking, nearly hitting a pole in the process.
“Hello? Did you hear me?” The teen finally looked up. “That’s illegal. I saw you on the road! You’re breaking the law!”
“It’s not your business, dude,” said the young man.
“Yes, it is my business! You could kill someone out there!”
“Whatever, dork. I don’t do it all the time.”
“Dork? I am a man of class and character,” he said while wearing a Three’s Company shirt, baggy denim jeans, and his trademark gigantic black rain boots. “You need to be more careful!”
“Why do you care?”
“Because I’m a law abiding citizen and you clearly are not!”
“I’m late for my appointment. Goodbye.”
David glanced at the teen’s phone, then on impulse, grabbed for the phone, hoping to chuck it into the bushes. However, the teen was too fast for David. “What the heck are you doing, psycho?”
David stomped his feet and screamed, “You’re a spoiled little brat!”
A security guard came outside and asked the teen, “Is everything okay?”
The boy said, “This man is harassing me and won’t leave me alone.”
“That’s not true!” said David.
“Sir, I’m gonna have to ask you to leave!” David tried to argue, but the guard stopped him again. “Leave or I’ll call the police.”
Defeated, David was escorted back to his car by the security guard. When he drove off, he watched the guard walk back to the building staring blankly at his phone. David feared for the future of humanity.
David Emami is Alone in Portland is a collection of stories that peer into the life of a middle-aged curmudgeon with a fondness for cats and antiques.
Playfully illustrated with Bitmoji characters, his story comes to life as each day brings a new adventure.
He was obsessive compulsive and mad about antiques. The apartment was covered, top to bottom, in decor that would be more aligned with that of an old woman that peaked in the 1960s. david-emami-takes-on-portland.html
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