David Emami was enjoying a quiet Saturday at home when he heard a knock at the door. Annoyed, he turned off an engaging episode of M.A.S.H. and went to go see who it was that was bothering him.
When he opened the door, he saw a skinny, nerdy looking guy with a part in his balding hair and a big pimple on the tip of his nose. “Hi, I’m Nathan, and I’m out selling vacuums and wanted to show you how great our new products are!”
“A vacuum salesman? I didn’t even know such a ludicrous thing existed. Why don’t people just buy them from the antique store like normal people?”
The man wasn’t sure if David was being serious or not. “Well, I’m sure the antique store has some great products, but our new models will suck the gunk right out of your carpet! Mind if I come in and give you a demonstration?”
“Absolutely not. I’m very busy today,” he said as he stood in his tiny Golden Girls boxer shorts and hooded sweatshirt.
“I see you have 2 very beautiful cats,” said the sly salesman.
David’s tone changed. “Yes, they are quite beautiful.” He thought for a moment. “Why don’t you come in and show me your vacuum?”
The man gladly came in and began setting up his equipment while David watched curiously. He then said, “I’m going to dump this dirty mixture into your carpet, and you’ll then see how good this thing is at sucking it all up.” He then proceeded to dump the mixture onto the carpet, which made David wince.
“I sure hope you can get all that up. I’d be rather distraught if you couldn’t.”
“Just you wait and see,” he said as he fired it up and began vacuuming. To David’s dismay, the particles were sucked up, but a big brown stain was left behind.
“Look at that stain!” cried David.
“Oh, just a little more sucking and it will come right out.”
“Get out of my home! You’re not welcome here!” screamed David. “Get your gadgets and leave before I phone the authorities!”
“Don’t you say another word! Leave!”
The man left quickly, apologizing the whole way to the door. Suddenly, it was silent, and David said, “I guess I’ve got a mess to clean up.” He didn’t want to admit it, but he enjoyed a good challenge.
David Emami is Alone in Portland is a collection of stories that peer into the life of a middle-aged curmudgeon with a fondness for cats and antiques.
Playfully illustrated with Bitmoji characters, his story comes to life as each day brings a new adventure.
He was obsessive compulsive and mad about antiques. The apartment was covered, top to bottom, in decor that would be more aligned with that of an old woman that peaked in the 1960s. david-emami-takes-on-portland.html
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