David Emami had always wanted to write a book. After hearing someone at the bus stop talking about how they self-published a book online, David was determined to pen a bestseller. He dreamed of going on book tours, signing the books of eager fans, and talking about intelligent things on PBS. He knew that if he was successful, he would get his cats, Fred and Barbra Streisand, gold collars and bonnets made of fine wool.
David plugged in his teal eMac computer which hadn’t been touched since 2003. It went through an arduous journey as it slowly booted up as if it had just woken up from a coma. After nearly 30 minutes of impatiently waiting for everything to get set up, David at last opened up his word processor and began brainstorming.
“What marvelous things should I write?” asked David. He looked over at Fred and asked, “Should I write about cats?” David began typing away, then read it aloud. “Cats are wonderful companions. They like to dress up and love being with their owners.” David shook his head. “This sounds awful.” He then proceeded to delete it all.
“How about a book about antiques? I’d read a book about that.” He started typing again. “Antiques are a pleasure to own. Some people actually prefer antiques over human relationships, and there is nothing wrong with that.” David read the lines over and over. “That makes me sound like a freak,” he said as he deleted it all.
“How about a book about Cher?” He started typing again. “Cher is the most beautiful person alive and has a transgender daughter/son named Chaz.” David didn’t like the sound of that either. “Well, that just makes me sound like an idiot.” David was getting impatient as he deleted it all once again.
“Well, this is just the worst thing ever,” said David as he yanked the plug out of the wall. He picked up the computer, took it outside, walked down the steps of his apartment complex, and dumped it into the dumpster. “I shall never do such a terrible thing again,” he said as he closed the lid harshly.
David Emami is Alone in Portland is a collection of stories that peer into the life of a middle-aged curmudgeon with a fondness for cats and antiques.
Playfully illustrated with Bitmoji characters, his story comes to life as each day brings a new adventure.
He was obsessive compulsive and mad about antiques. The apartment was covered, top to bottom, in decor that would be more aligned with that of an old woman that peaked in the 1960s. david-emami-takes-on-portland.html
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