David and his cats, Fred and Barbra Streisand, were very sick. It all started when Fred began throwing up all over the carpet. Soon, Barbra Streisand got sick, and eventually, David Emami got it as well. He was convinced the virus came from his sick cats, and knew that the only way to get over this mess was to go to the doctor. He had been in and out of the bathroom all night, but when morning came, he weakly pulled himself out of bed, got dressed a little, then headed out the door. The wind chilled him to the bone, causing him to shake. Before he could even get to his car, he threw up.
“Nice, dude,” said a guy walking by on the sidewalk.
“It’s a gift for you,” said David, too weak to argue anymore.
He got into his car and eventually made it to the hospital. The waiting room was packed and nearly everyone was wearing masks. David, of course, had his own masks from home, so he placed his hand in his pocket and put on a Care Bears medical face mask and waited his turn after checking in.
“You sick too, huh?” asked an old man sitting next to David.
“What do you think, Einstein?” replied David rudely. “No, I’m not sick. I just like wearing masks surrounded by sick idiots like yourself.”
“You’re a real jerk, you know that?” The man stood up and walked to the other end of the lobby.
David pulled out a Zoobooks children’s magazine and began flipping through the pages. “Well, would you look at that! Those monkeys have red bottoms!” he remarked out loud. Soon after, his name was called, and David was in a back room waiting for his doctor.
When the doctor came in, he asked, “What can I do for you?”
“I think I have cat flu.”
“That’s not a real thing. What do you mean?”
“My cats got me sick. Please, is there anything you can do for me?”
The doctor ran some tests and determined that David did indeed have the flu.
“And sadly, there’s nothing I can give you. You just need to rest and drink lots of fluids.”
Annoyed, David left feeling weak and defeated. “Thank you for telling me what I already knew,” he remarked as he slipped out.
David Emami is Alone in Portland is a collection of stories that peer into the life of a middle-aged curmudgeon with a fondness for cats and antiques.
Playfully illustrated with Bitmoji characters, his story comes to life as each day brings a new adventure.
He was obsessive compulsive and mad about antiques. The apartment was covered, top to bottom, in decor that would be more aligned with that of an old woman that peaked in the 1960s. david-emami-takes-on-portland.html
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