David hadn’t gone swimming in a long time. After seeing an ad in the newspaper for Mt. Scott Community Pool in Portland, Oregon, David Emami thought it was time to put his trunks on and go for a dip. He grabbed his bright yellow Speedo and was off for a day of fun.
When he arrived, he was horrified to see hundreds of children screaming and splashing everywhere. So much for a quiet soak in the pool. He made his way over to the hot tub, which was crowded with adults and playful children. He looked at the sign, which read “Children under 18 must be accompanied by an adult.” He rolled his eyes. Hot tubs weren’t for children, he thought.
When he slipped into the only spot without a human in it, he was immediately splashed in the face by a large 5 year old boy with wild red hair and freckles. “Got you!” he screamed at David.
David’s glasses were covered in water and fogged over. David wiped them off and yelled, “You stop that! I’m trying to relax!” The other parents stared uncomfortably at David. David could see no parents with red hair, so he was convinced that the child must be breaking the rules. “Where are your parents?!”
The kid splashed David again and yelled, “In the bathroom.”
“You stop splashing me, or I’ll go get them!”
The kid pulled himself out of the hot tub, then did a cannonball right in front of David.
“Why don’t you leave me alone, you filthy brat?”
“Hey man,” said a calm father sitting near David, “chill out. He’s just being a kid. This place is for kids, anyways.”
“No, the hot tub is for adults,” he rudely replied. “Is there no place for an adult to find pleasure in this city?”
“A strip club?” he laughed.
David’s jaw dropped. “What a gross assumption. You are a vile man, that’s for certain!” The man continued to talk, but David slipped out of the hot tub, regretting that he ever came to the pool in the first place.
In the locker room, the redheaded kid came in with his equally redheaded father and stuck out his tongue at David. He then said, “That’s the man that was being mean to me!”
“Well, you’re a rotten little animal!” screamed David.
“Don’t you dare talk to my child like that, you Speedo wearing freak!”
David turned bright red, grabbed his clothes, and marched out of the locker room while still wearing his Speedo. He walked all the way to his car in his wet swimsuit, not caring that it was freezing out or that dozens of shocked parents covered their children's’ eyes. He was determined to never go swimming again.
David Emami is Alone in Portland is a collection of stories that peer into the life of a middle-aged curmudgeon with a fondness for cats and antiques.
Playfully illustrated with Bitmoji characters, his story comes to life as each day brings a new adventure.
He was obsessive compulsive and mad about antiques. The apartment was covered, top to bottom, in decor that would be more aligned with that of an old woman that peaked in the 1960s. david-emami-takes-on-portland.html
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