David Emami was typically very proud of his complexion and thought that he was easily the most handsome person in Portland, Oregon. However, when he woke up and noticed a large pimple on his nose, he was devastated and almost called in sick for work. Unfortunately, he had just purchased a $1200 pant suit worn by Bea Arthur on the set of Golden Girls and knew that he needed all the money he could get.
David worked on the pimple, but couldn’t get it to pop, which only made it redder and more obvious on his fair Oregonian skin tone. He kicked his door as he left the bathroom and screamed at his cats, “What the heck are you staring at?” Barbra Streisand stared back at him with her single, oozing eye and Fred licked herself, not even paying attention to the tantrum.
David got into his Toyota Previa minivan, which was nearly full of antiques he had purchased the day prior at an antique show at the Convention Center. He still hadn’t decided how he would fit it all into his tiny apartment, but he knew it had to be done, for his own happiness hinged upon such tasks.
When he arrived at the school, he began his typical duties of cleaning the bathrooms and restocking all of the paper supplies. When he was in the boys room, a small chubby Hispanic boy walked in and immediately looked at David’s bright red nose. “Why do you have a red dot on your nose?” asked the curious little boy.
“Why are you so fat?” asked David rudely.
The little boy looked sad, as if he was about to cry. “My mommy said I’m not fat. I’m just big boned.”
“Well, you’re mommy is a no-good liar. Now go do your business and leave me alone!”
David looked in the mirror and could see that his pimple was bigger and worse than before. Humiliated, he put his supplies back into the janitorial closet and made his way to the front office. He explained to them that he wasn’t feeling well and they gladly let him go without further questioning.
When David returned home, he was finally able to pop his pimple, and after assessing the damage, he decided to call in sick the next day. His face was not ready for public viewing just yet.
David Emami is Alone in Portland is a collection of stories that peer into the life of a middle-aged curmudgeon with a fondness for cats and antiques.
Playfully illustrated with Bitmoji characters, his story comes to life as each day brings a new adventure.
He was obsessive compulsive and mad about antiques. The apartment was covered, top to bottom, in decor that would be more aligned with that of an old woman that peaked in the 1960s. david-emami-takes-on-portland.html
© 2017 DavidEmami.com