David Emami loved Star Wars. He had watched the films over and over again and was thrilled when he heard that the newest film would be opening that night at the Lloyd Center Cinema in Portland, Oregon. He put on his Princess Leia shirt and put on his Chewbacca wookie slippers and was ready for the big premiere.
When he arrived, there was a long line of dressed up adults and children eagerly waiting to get into the theater. “What’s all this about?” David usually didn’t like going to the theater because it meant being around people. The last time he had gone was when he watched a new Tyler Perry movie and left after 10 minutes because of how terrible it was. After complaining to the management, they failed to give him a refund, which only made him despise Tyler Perry even more.
David parked his car all the way in the back, then made his way to the end of the line.
“What’s your favorite Star Wars movie?” asked a skinny man with adult acne.
“The Phantom Menace! I just love Jar-Jar Binks!” David was being serious, though Jar-Jar is commonly held as the most hated character in the franchise.
“Huh? Really? He’s the worst character of all!”
David was deeply offended. “Well, that just proves that you are uncultured and know nothing of class or refinement.”
Another man joined in the conversation. “Did you just say you love Jar-Jar?”
“I am not engaging you ignorant fools anymore. Please leave me alone!” David folded his arms and turned around, awkwardly facing the people behind him. He didn’t speak for the rest of the time waiting.
After nearly an hour, David made it to the front of the line. They flipped a sign which read, “Sold out for all of today’s showings.”
David felt enraged and screamed, “Sold out? How is that possible? There’s still people in line! What about us?”
“Dude, tickets for these showings went on sale months ago. Most people already had their tickets to begin with. We only had like a dozen tickets left, and now those are gone.”
The skinny man with adult acne looked back at David and yelled, “You can always go home and watch The Phantom Menace!” David had had enough.
“You’re just a skinny nerd!” he screamed at him as he ran back to his car. He was done with theaters.
David Emami is Alone in Portland is a collection of stories that peer into the life of a middle-aged curmudgeon with a fondness for cats and antiques.
Playfully illustrated with Bitmoji characters, his story comes to life as each day brings a new adventure.
He was obsessive compulsive and mad about antiques. The apartment was covered, top to bottom, in decor that would be more aligned with that of an old woman that peaked in the 1960s. david-emami-takes-on-portland.html
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