David Emami spent most of his evening cooking himself a meal fit for a king because it was his 59th birthday and, as he felt, birthdays should always be special. David put birthday hats on Fred and Barbra Streisand that he had made out of printer paper. They were not thrilled about that and spent most of the evening hiding in shame. David heated up his Stouffer’s frozen macaroni dish (a delicacy to him) in the microwave, baked some frozen french fries in the oven, and placed a single candle in the middle of a large cupcake he had purchased at the store. His birthday dinner was ready.
David sat down and enjoyed his meal to the very last bite. Being 59 never felt so good. Suddenly, the lights flickered, and after a few moments of light, everything went dark. The storm raged outside, and at last, the power went out, leaving David seated at his table with nothing but the light from his birthday candle.
“Happy Birthday to me,” said David sarcastically. He blew out the candle and managed to eat the cupcake in the dark without making too much of a mess.
David, being prepared for just about anything, pulled out his 72 hour kit and was ready to make it through the storm without incident. He turned on the emergency radio, certain it would be speaking of all of the destruction going on in the area, but was only able to find an oldies station, which he didn’t mind listening to anyway.
The storm raged on and David had already downed 3 pouches of emergency water rations. He would weather the storm and come out a survivor, he thought. He imagined himself emerging from the rubble of his apartment complex with his cats in his arms.
“Barbra Streisand! Fred!” he yelled. The cats came up to him as he dangled a piece of macaroni in front of them. “You guys want to tell scary stories?” They looked at the macaroni. “Okay, I’ll go first.”
“Once upon a time, there was a creepy house filled with beautiful antiques. One day, a child went inside this house and tripped, hitting a gorgeous vase from the 1920s, which then started a domino effect that ended up destroying mostly everything in the house. The end.” Fred and Barbra Streisand looked annoyed. “Wasn’t that scary?”
Suddenly, the power went back on, and David looked at his partially eaten contents from his 72 hour kit. “Good thing I was prepared,” he said as he threw the piece of macaroni on the ground for the cats to eat.
David Emami is Alone in Portland is a collection of stories that peer into the life of a middle-aged curmudgeon with a fondness for cats and antiques.
Playfully illustrated with Bitmoji characters, his story comes to life as each day brings a new adventure.
He was obsessive compulsive and mad about antiques. The apartment was covered, top to bottom, in decor that would be more aligned with that of an old woman that peaked in the 1960s. david-emami-takes-on-portland.html
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