David Emami hated crowds, but when he found out that a new flat screen television was on sale for $50 during a doorbuster on Black Friday, David was determined to snag the deal in an effort to replace his pathetic 24” tube television. Sears opened at 5 am on the day after Thanksgiving, so David showed up at 4:59. To his horror, there was already an enormous line formed against the side of the Portland area mall.
David grudgingly found a spot in the back of the line, and soon, the line started moving rather quickly. Before he knew it, people were running, pushing, and shoving their way to the front, eager to get the doorbusters before they disappeared. Miraculously, David made his way into the store with only a few bumps and shoves, and suddenly he saw the mountain of televisions getting clawed at by hoards of zombie-like consumers. He ran as fast as his scrawny legs could take him as the pile got smaller and smaller.
When he arrived at the televisions, there were only 3 left. He reached his hand out to the one closest to him, but a hefty woman snatched it from him first.
“That’s mine!” screamed David.
“You’re full of crap; I got it first,” she yelled back.
David put his hands on the box and tried to yank it free, but she only pulled back harder.
“Get yer hands off my TV!” She ran as fast as she could to the next doorbuster, a pile of toasters for $5. David watched her as she disappeared into the crowd and his hope of watching The Lawrence Welk Show in glorious HD faded away. David bumped his way around the store, eager to find a similar deal, but nothing was around. He immediately regretted ever coming. Black Friday was the worst.
At last, David settled on a novelty popcorn maker in which the popped corn came out of the mouth of a terrifying clown. He really didn’t even want it, but since it was $5, he figured he should leave with something so his hassle wasn’t in vain. When he left the store, he saw the hefty woman walking proudly with his television and screamed, “You lousy oaf!” She was too happy to notice him.
David Emami is Alone in Portland is a collection of stories that peer into the life of a middle-aged curmudgeon with a fondness for cats and antiques.
Playfully illustrated with Bitmoji characters, his story comes to life as each day brings a new adventure.
He was obsessive compulsive and mad about antiques. The apartment was covered, top to bottom, in decor that would be more aligned with that of an old woman that peaked in the 1960s. david-emami-takes-on-portland.html
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