David Emami sat alone at an Applebee’s in West Linn, Oregon. He liked being alone because conversations always bothered him. He was there for the food and nothing else. However, out of nowhere, Bette, David’s neighbor that lived below him at the apartment complex, came into the restaurant. She was a lonely woman that had her eyes on David the moment she moved in, and dreamed of a life with him.
“Well, if it isn’t David Emami himself,” she said as she sat across the table from David.
“I didn’t invite you, Bette! Leave me alone!” demanded David.
“You always push me away! Look how empty this place is! Let’s spend some time getting to know each other. I bet you might like me if you just took the time to get to know me!”
David looked at the holes in her purple sweater and her ratted, gray hair. “I know enough about you. You look like a dreadful, sad widow and you smell like mothballs.” David rolled his eyes. “What else is there to know?”
“You like being mean and grumpy, don’t you?” She smiled at him. “I’m not leaving that easily. So tell me, what turns you on?”
David’s eyes opened wide. “What a preposterous, inappropriate question for the dinner table! I won’t answer it!”
“Well, I’ll answer my own question then. It’s black rain boots!” She rubbed her foot against David’s black rain boots and started playing footsie with him. David pulled back in disgust.
“Get your filthy feet off of me! For all I know, you have a fungal infection or some other nasty ailment!”
She pulled her feet away. “Fine. So what are we eating tonight? Let’s do the 2 for $20!”
“I already ordered that, except the other meal is to take home for Fred and Barbra Streisand.”
“How sweet of you. You know, I have cats too. I’m sure they’d love playing with your cats.”
“Unlikely. Your cats smell of tuna and look like they weren’t loved as kittens.”
“Well, that’s a terrible thing to say!”
“Well, I think you’re a terrible person!” David felt bad for treating her so harshly, but he just wanted her to go away.
“Fine then. I’ll leave.” She stood up. “But you know where to find me when you feel lonely.” She walked to another booth and sat with her back facing David. David ate his food victoriously, happy that he had stood his ground and won.
David Emami is Alone in Portland is a collection of stories that peer into the life of a middle-aged curmudgeon with a fondness for cats and antiques.
Playfully illustrated with Bitmoji characters, his story comes to life as each day brings a new adventure.
He was obsessive compulsive and mad about antiques. The apartment was covered, top to bottom, in decor that would be more aligned with that of an old woman that peaked in the 1960s. david-emami-takes-on-portland.html
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