David Emami loved Christmas shopping. Each year, he showered himself and his cats with curious gifts and novelty items that varied from priceless antiques to gag gifts. This year, David went to the Lloyd Center, a large mall in Portland, Oregon.
It was bitingly cold out, so David wore his large black trench coat, an orange scarf, and his winter beanie which read, “Where’s the Beef?” from an old Wendy’s promotion in the 1980s. David never cared what he looked like, even if he looked rather odd.
The mall was crowded and the lines were long everywhere. David looked at the enormous Christmas decorations hanging and said, “What a delight! This is just gorgeous!” David went straight to Nostalgia Time and, after browsing a bit, decided to buy himself a t-shirt with Sherman Hemsley on it from The Jeffersons, some ALF slippers, and a backpack with the Happy Days logo on it. David couldn’t wait to try them on, but knew he would have to unwrap them on Christmas morning before he could enjoy them.
He then went to the Fancy Cats store, a favorite of his. He remembered that when he wanted to have a formal dinner with his cats the month before, he didn’t have evening gowns for them, so that’s what he wanted to buy. He bought both of them matching red, flowing gowns, and imagined having a candlelit dinner over the table with his best friends. Fred and Barbra Streisand would love their new gifts, he thought.
He then decided that he should probably get something for his daughter, Becky, and his granddaughter, Laura (though he rarely saw them anyway). He was less enthusiastic about their gifts, and simply got Becky a teal fanny pack and Laura a pair of pink socks.
With his arms full and a smile on his face, David walked back to his Toyota Previa minivan, went home, wrapped the presents, and placed them lovingly under the tree. “Just wait till you see what what you got,” he said to his cats as they slept.
He looked at his gifts, and couldn’t resist the urge, so he ripped the paper off of his slippers and quickly put them on. “I deserved that,” he said as he turned on A Charlie Brown Christmas.
David Emami is Alone in Portland is a collection of stories that peer into the life of a middle-aged curmudgeon with a fondness for cats and antiques.
Playfully illustrated with Bitmoji characters, his story comes to life as each day brings a new adventure.
He was obsessive compulsive and mad about antiques. The apartment was covered, top to bottom, in decor that would be more aligned with that of an old woman that peaked in the 1960s. david-emami-takes-on-portland.html
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