David awoke one bright and chilly morning and felt unusually energetic and full of life. Since it was a Sunday morning, David Emami had the whole day to himself and decided to go for a nice stroll to work off some of his mysterious newfound energy. He got dressed and bundled up tightly due to the frigid Northwest winter temperatures in Portland, Oregon, and headed outside to start exploring.
He walked and walked and walked until he encountered a neighborhood he had never before visited. He felt nervous like a lost child in his new surroundings. Suddenly, a woman with greased back hair and scabs on her face jumped out from behind a bush and screamed, “Heathen! Heathen! Sinner!” She pointed at David and licked her chapped lips, exposing her single, yellow tooth.
“Good heavens! You gave me a fright!” David turned back and started to walk quickly down the sidewalk in this strange new land. He regretted ever leaving the comforts of his normal routine.
“I’m gonna catch ya!” she said as she grabbed David from behind and gave him a tight bear hug. “And I’m gonna eat ya!” She then bit David’s clothed arm while cackling and drooling.
“You must be rabid!” David pulled away and started running at full sprint. He didn’t even stop for the crosswalk. He looked back and watched the woman as she ran toward him at a much slower pace, but quickly faded into the distance. David looked at the gooey slobber on his favorite coat. Even though it was freezing outside, David felt as if the drool could very well be diseased and possibly even acidic, so he took his coat off and tossed it in a trashcan outside of a Safeway.
David shivered all the way home, half angry and half terrified. He wasn’t sure why that experience had happened, but he knew that he would never wander off into unfamiliar neighborhoods again. At last he made it home to his familiar apartment. He warmed up inside and snuggled up to his cats on the ground. There truly is no place like home.
David Emami is Alone in Portland is a collection of stories that peer into the life of a middle-aged curmudgeon with a fondness for cats and antiques.
Playfully illustrated with Bitmoji characters, his story comes to life as each day brings a new adventure.
He was obsessive compulsive and mad about antiques. The apartment was covered, top to bottom, in decor that would be more aligned with that of an old woman that peaked in the 1960s. david-emami-takes-on-portland.html
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