David wanted to get out of the city and go for a hike in the Columbia River Gorge, which is just about 20 minutes east of Portland, Oregon. He packed himself a lunch consisting of diet orange soda, a peanut butter and jalapeno sandwich, and Lays Baked Cheetos. It was cold and dreary outside, so it was perfect for David. He preferred the rain over the sun because it kept people inside, leaving the trail relatively empty.
When David Emami arrived at the trailhead, he was pleasantly surprised to see that he was the only one there. He started his hike with lots of energy and breathed in the fresh mountain air with a smile on his face. David loved living in the Northwest.
After hiking for about an hour, David decided to stop for lunch. He found a log and sat down and began enjoying his food. As he was eating, he noticed an awful smell behind him. He looked back and saw a tennis shoe poking out from behind the log. David’s heart stopped. He peeked nervously around the corner and screamed, “Lord, have mercy!”
It was a greatly decomposed body of an old man with white hair. His skin was purple and blue and he was covered in maggots and flies. He looked as if he had been there for several months. “Why me? Why did I have to see this?” David began weeping, certain the police would frame him for murder and place in prison. He couldn’t stand the thought of being away from Fred and Barbra Streisand or not being able to watch The Lawrence Welk Show each afternoon at 5 pm.
David left his lunch behind and ran back down the trail, sobbing and whimpering the whole way down. When he had cell service, he phoned the police and waited for them to arrive. After only about 15 minutes, they showed up, and David walked them to the body. The local sheriff poked him a few times with a stick.
“What was that for? Isn’t it obvious he’s dead?” asked David.
“Just makin’ sure,” he replied.
“You’re not going to arrest me, are you?” asked David.
“Why would I do that? No way, sir. This is Charles Nash. His family’s been looking for him for months now. He was last seen around here going for a walk. Looks like you found him!”
David drove home feeling unsettled. He never wanted to go on a hike again. He was certain he would be haunted that night.
David Emami is Alone in Portland is a collection of stories that peer into the life of a middle-aged curmudgeon with a fondness for cats and antiques.
Playfully illustrated with Bitmoji characters, his story comes to life as each day brings a new adventure.
He was obsessive compulsive and mad about antiques. The apartment was covered, top to bottom, in decor that would be more aligned with that of an old woman that peaked in the 1960s. david-emami-takes-on-portland.html
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