David Emami’s daughter, Becky, rarely made contact with her father, but when she did, it was usually because she needed something. She dropped off her 4 year old daughter, Laura, saying that her babysitter had the flu and no one else could help her at the last minute.
Suddenly, David was alone with a little girl for the first time since he had raised his own daughter nearly 30 years earlier. David had no idea what to do, and cautiously watched as little Laura explored his apartment. He cringed as she moved around, touching everything. David was on pins and needles because his antiques were his life and he couldn’t bear the thought of losing any of them.
“Kitty!” said Laura as she made her way to Fred, who quickly ran away and hid under the bed. She then turned to Barbra Streisand, who was too fat and slow to escape. Laura picked her up and squeezed her tight, causing a deep meow to escape from her mouth.
“Oh, be careful with Barbra Streisand! She has an oozing eye and is quite obese!” Laura put her down. “I want to watch Spongebob!”
David frowned. He would never allow such a show to be displayed at his house. “How about The Lawrence Welk Show? There’s singing, dancing, and pretty girls in pretty dresses!”
She went to scream for Spongebob, but David turned on Lawrence Welk anyway. With no other options, she sat down and watched it, bored out of her mind.
“I’m hungry!” she screamed.
“What do you want?”
“Chinese noodles!” she replied.
“Well, I don’t have those.” He looked in his freezer. “But I do have a Hungry Man salisbury steak meal.”
“Eww… Mommy says frozen food is junk food.”
“Well, your mommy is wrong,” said David. He went into the kitchen and poked around in the cupboard. After some searching, he came back with a plate full of a slice apple, a stale graham cracker, some old hard candy from Halloween 10 years prior, a slice of SPAM, and a cup of skim milk. “Here you go.”
Laura looked at with a gross look on her face. “I don’t want that.”
“Well, that’s all I have.” David placed it down and walked away, annoyed by the tiny human that was ruining his peaceful evening.
After a few hours of watching television, Becky returned to find Laura asleep on the ground next to an empty plate covered in crumbs.
“How was she?” she asked.
“Wonderful,” David replied.
David Emami is Alone in Portland is a collection of stories that peer into the life of a middle-aged curmudgeon with a fondness for cats and antiques.
Playfully illustrated with Bitmoji characters, his story comes to life as each day brings a new adventure.
He was obsessive compulsive and mad about antiques. The apartment was covered, top to bottom, in decor that would be more aligned with that of an old woman that peaked in the 1960s. david-emami-takes-on-portland.html
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