David Emami finished some delicious canned beef stew and felt warm and fuzzy inside. He hated cooking, so he often lived off of canned or frozen food and that was just fine with him. As he sat inside his warm apartment, he cozied up on the couch and looked outside. It was pouring down freezing rain and the wind was blowing wildly.
He noticed Lonnie, the homeless man that lived in the empty lot next to his complex, sitting in the mud, shivering and miserable. David usually didn’t think much about Lonnie or the homeless in general, but something stirred inside him, so he opened his door and shouted, “Lonnie, why don’t you come inside so you can stay dry and get cleaned up?”
Lonnie didn’t hesitate and quickly ran up the stairs. He was drenched and muddy. “Thanks for letting me come up. I was almost dead!”
“Oh, heavens. Just take off your boots. Why don’t you go get a warm shower? I’ll throw your clothes in the wash.”
“You mean that?”
David was feeling unusually charitable. “Of course.”
Lonnie hopped in David’s immaculately clean shower and David tossed his disgusting, tattered clothes in the wash. He gave Lonnie an old robe that had once belonged to David’s ex wife nearly 30 years ago. He didn’t even remember why he still had it, but it came in handy.
Lonnie exited the bathroom looking refreshed and wore the feminine robe like a champ.
“Thanks, that felt great.”
“Not a problem. I’ll throw your clothing in the dryer now. Why don’t you have some beef stew? I just made it.”
“Wow, homemade beef stew?”
“No, canned,” replied David.
“Still sounds amazing!” Lonnie walked to the table and accidentally bumped into a priceless lamp, which crashed onto the floor and broke into pieces.
“My lamp!” David darted to his prize and wept. “My favorite lamp!”
“Bro, I’m sorry, man.”
“Get out!” screamed David. “Now!”
“But, my clothes!”
David ran to the washing machine and tossed the wet clothes at Lonnie. “No wetter than they were before! Now leave!”
“What about that beef stew?”
“Not tonight, you home wrecker!”
“That’s not cool, man,” said Lonnie.
“Neither is destruction of property!”
Lonnie walked out of the apartment still wearing the robe while carrying his wet clothes. “You’re a real piece of…”
David slammed the door and locked it. He decided he would never help a homeless person ever again.
David Emami is Alone in Portland is a collection of stories that peer into the life of a middle-aged curmudgeon with a fondness for cats and antiques.
Playfully illustrated with Bitmoji characters, his story comes to life as each day brings a new adventure.
He was obsessive compulsive and mad about antiques. The apartment was covered, top to bottom, in decor that would be more aligned with that of an old woman that peaked in the 1960s. david-emami-takes-on-portland.html
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