David rarely had any contact with any of his family members, but when Buster Emami, David’s cousin, sent him a letter, David figured he should probably go visit him. Buster had spent the last 10 years of his life in jail for selling counterfeit collectable items on eBay. He was particularly proud of the ruby slippers he had sold for $400,000, which he claimed were real and came directly from the set of The Wizard of Oz, but in reality they were just slippers he had purchased from Payless Shoes and had glued red sequins to them.
David felt he owed Buster a visit, since the last time he had seen him was when David had divorced his wife 30 year prior. David got dressed and headed to the jail, though he truly didn’t want to go.
When he arrived, he was patted down and signed papers. He waited in the lobby until he was called back and instructed what he could and could not do. Finally, he was escorted into a room to see Buster.
“So happy you came, cousin!” said Buster, who pounced on David and gave him a big hug. Buster looked much like David, except he had a full head of black and gray hair.
“Nice to see you too, Buster,” replied David. They sat down. “Why did you want me to visit?”
“Do I need a reason to see my cousin?”
“Well, the timing just seems odd. Why now?”
“Well, here’s the thing.” Buster leaned in close over the table. “I have a business idea for us. I’m getting out of here in a month and I wanted to have some money to come back to.”
“I’m not doing anything illegal,” said David.
“It’s not illegal. I thought you could get yourself a computer and a nice printer.”
“Why would you need that?”
“I’m going to start printing counterfeit tickets and selling them online. I won’t be out any money and the people won’t know they’re bad until the day of the show. By then, I’ll be long gone with their money!”
David pulled back, horrified. “That’s still illegal! Have you learned nothing while you’ve been here?”
“Okay, fine. We can also sell drugs.”
“Sell poached elephant tusks from East Africa?”
“Sell organs on the black market?”
David stood up. “Clearly, you haven’t changed! Good luck with your illegal activities!”
“Wait! Don’t leave!” But it was too late. David left the room and was done with his cousin. He didn’t care to see him ever again.
David Emami is Alone in Portland is a collection of stories that peer into the life of a middle-aged curmudgeon with a fondness for cats and antiques.
Playfully illustrated with Bitmoji characters, his story comes to life as each day brings a new adventure.
He was obsessive compulsive and mad about antiques. The apartment was covered, top to bottom, in decor that would be more aligned with that of an old woman that peaked in the 1960s. david-emami-takes-on-portland.html
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