David Emami could barely walk around in his apartment due to all of the various antiques and knick knacks he had accumulated over the years. Others might call it hoarding, but to David, everything had a place. However, even he could see that it was becoming alarmingly crowded, leaving very little room for him and his cats, Fred and Barbra Streisand. They had such little floor space that they typically sat side by side near the sole patch of clear space in front of David’s couch. David, after much contemplation, decided it was time to have a small yard sale.
David grabbed handfuls of items that he truly didn’t want to sell, but could at least bear the idea of getting rid of them to make space. These items were of value to him, but weren’t irreplaceable. He started pricing the items with obscenely high prices because, deep down inside, he hoped they wouldn’t sell. He was like the alcoholic that said he was done drinking while sipping away whenever he was alone. David was addicted to antiques.
He set up a small table on a patch of grass outside of his apartment, and after only a few minutes, a few people showed up.
“Lovely day for a sale,” said the old lady that approached him. “What have we got here?” She picked up a ceramic Arthur Fonzarelli figurine from Happy Days then made a shocked face when she looked at the sticker price. “$400! Who in the world would pay $400?!”
David snatched it out of her hands, “Give me that! Someone with excellent taste would know that’s a bargain!”
“You won’t sell a thing with prices and an attitude like that!” She stormed off.
David placed the figurine back on the table and another customer walked up. The man was in his 20s and was skinny as a rail. “Whoa, old stuff! Retro! Cool!” He picked up a Mork and Mindy picture frame. “Dude, is that Robin Williams?”
“Yes, and please be careful with it. It’s not a toy.”
“How much you want for it?”
“Well, the sticker says $200, so I don’t know, $200 maybe?” replied David rudely.
“No one’s gonna pay $200. I’d give you $5.” He reached into his pocket, but David snatched the frame and held it like an infant in his arms. “Get out of here! Now! You know nothing of the finer things in life!”
“Whoa, dude, you’re crazy!”
David put all of his stuff back into the box and quickly ran up to his apartment. He would never subject his precious items to such ridicule again. They were indeed priceless.
David Emami is Alone in Portland is a collection of stories that peer into the life of a middle-aged curmudgeon with a fondness for cats and antiques.
Playfully illustrated with Bitmoji characters, his story comes to life as each day brings a new adventure.
He was obsessive compulsive and mad about antiques. The apartment was covered, top to bottom, in decor that would be more aligned with that of an old woman that peaked in the 1960s. david-emami-takes-on-portland.html
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